Open Hands

For years, it has been one of my goals to not cling to things, or even to MY hopes, dreams, and plans, but to ask God to fill my hands with HIS desires for me and my family. Of course, that also means not resisting when he takes something away. That’s the part that makes open-hands living a challenge.

 

On Wednesday, our family received some news that felt like a gift directly from the hand of God. I so want to clutch this news and keep it as if it were an absolute promise that exactly what I want to happen will play out. In reality, what God has bestowed on us is the wondrous gift of hope.

 

A few weeks ago, we learned that our oldest son’s liver disease, diagnosed in 2009, had progressed to the point that it was now time to meet with the transplant team for evaluation. Last week, he had many back-to-back appointments—pulmonologist, cardiologist, nutritionist, psychologist, financial advisor, social worker—in St. Louis over the course of three days. From Friday to Wednesday, we waited and prayed. It is a strange thing to pray your child is sick enough, but not too sick. That messed with this mama’s heart!

 

And then, the answer came. As soon as the financial pieces are in place, Scott will be put on the transplant list. So now we live in this faith-testing place of waiting and hoping. He was told he could receive THE CALL anywhere from two months to two years from now. Our family is rejoicing…and yet…it is not without the “What if?” questions accompanied by fear, and not without the sobering knowledge that, in order for our desires to be fulfilled, another family will face loss.

 

Today I feel a bit like juggling balls have been placed in my open hands. How do I keep hope, gratitude, eager anticipation of good things ahead, acceptance of God’s perfect will, and compassion for a family I will likely never meet all in the air at the same time?

 

I am reminded of a quote I once read on a poster at a friend’s house: “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” I have never been as grateful as I am today for our God who makes Himself known in so many ways. I can’t imagine facing future unknowns without Him.

 

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1