I’m just wrapping up a week of extensive editing on my last book. Think…fighting your way out of a dense web of thick jungle vines without a machete…in pea soup fog on a moonless night…barefoot…with no food or water…totally alone…
Anyway, you get the picture. I had a list of things my editors wanted me to change or cut or shorten or clarify. Don’t think grocery list here, think Santa’s naughty or nice list…for the entire world.
I felt overwhelmed. Inadequate. Dumb. Frustrated. I felt like a failure. As I started rewriting scenes and changing plot lines, there were times my brain felt like an engine that had run too long without oil. Locked up. Frozen. Immovable.
“I can’t do this!” I told my husband. And my Father. Not much of a prayer, but it was one. Because I’ve had enough “I can’t do this” experiences in my life to know that God does his best work in us when we get to the end of ourselves, when we admit that the problem is too big, the road ahead too long, the relationship too hard, the solution beyond our comprehension.
Remember this line from a song you probably learned when you were four: “I am weak, but he is strong”? Some of the most radical and important theology we will ever need is right there in what we consider a children’s song.
“I can’t do this,” is a really good way to start a prayer. I can’t do this…without you, without your strength, your wisdom, your help, your protection, your grace, your Spirit…
I said, “I can’t” and God prompted me to ask my husband to brainstorm some plot issues with me. I said, “I can’t” and I woke one morning with the perfect solution to a difficult scene. I said, “I can’t” and a group of faithful prayer warrior friends prayed and sent sweet, encouraging text messages to cheer me on. I said, “I can’t”…and I made it to “The End.”
What can’t you do…on your own…today?